Inside Or Outside

“But that’s not quite the end of the story,” the girl said to me. 

“It’s not?” I asked. 

“No, but I can tell it to you if you’d like.”

And so she told me. She told me the rest. 

Even though the girl felt better about her place in the world, she eventually became troubled once more. Shadow, who had once been her best friend, had started sharing thoughts with the girl that made her feel scared. And these thoughts from Shadow, from the outside, were matched by the thoughts growing bigger and bigger from the inside. Some of the feelings that came with the thoughts were familiar, like sadness. And some of the feelings were new, like fear. And she couldn’t turn to Shadow, because Shadow was no longer helping, she was hurting. And the girl felt as though she was looking through the lens of an unfocused camera because that was how her brain felt when the thoughts became too much. Sometimes we need reminders about how to refocus our perspective. That’s what the girl needed, a reminder. And luckily, the moon was there to give her one. 

“Moon,” said the girl, “I’m feeling sad again and scared and overwhelmed by all these thoughts. I don’t know how to stop them from coming in.”   

“You need not stop the thoughts completely,” said the moon, “for sometimes, the worst thoughts are the ones that help us the most.” 

“The bad thoughts can help me?” asked the girl, incredulous.

“They can be transformative,” replied the moon. 

“I don’t believe you,” said the girl.

“You don’t have to believe me,” said the moon, “but you must believe in yourself.” 

And just like that, the moon disappeared. And the girl saw a winding, snowy path ahead leading into a forest, and knew it was the one she had to take. 

Shortly into her journey, the girl came across a pond, frozen on just the outside. And before she realized, she had stepped onto the ice, which broke away and took her with it so that she was stranded in the cold water on a single ice float. 

“Pond,” she said. “Please help me get to the other side. This ice float broke away and I’m stuck.” 

The pond responded, “Sometimes, when you let the outside barrier break, you have to innovate. What can you do to help yourself?” 

The girl felt irritated by the pond’s response, but it had fallen silent once again and she had to do what it said, she had to help herself. So she took off her shoes and knelt down, and used them like paddles. And after some time, she finally approached the other side. When she had both feet on solid ground, she felt as though the effort had created a small crack in the walls she put up to keep all the outside thoughts out. And Shadow began to whisper, and the girl’s brain started to get full, but she kept moving forward.

Next, the girl stumbled upon a forest clearing, where a flock of winter birds were foraging. The birds, hundreds of them, were calling to one another and the girl’s brain heard every single call until they all blended together in her mind, and she pushed her hands against her ears to try to stop the sound, but she could still hear it, all of it, like a scream that couldn’t escape. And she wanted to turn back around, but then she noticed a single bird positioned on the periphery, so she carefully approached him and said, “Hello Mr. Bird. Your friends are so loud, how can you listen to all of them and not feel overwhelmed?”  

“Sometimes I do,” said the bird. “But I always remember to focus on my own song. We have the ability to sing. We can choose to do that. And it might start of quiet, but when you focus on just your own sound coming from inside, it builds like a crescendo until you can hear your own voice above the others.” 

“Is it hard to do?” Asked the girl.

“Sometimes,” said the bird. “But the more you practice, the easier it will become.” 

And so the girl thanked the bird for his advice and she continued walking with Shadow. And she found that when Shadow started whispering bad thoughts to her, she could ask her brain to focus on her own voice. And her own voice was telling her to move on. And to dismiss the bad thoughts from Shadow. 

After some time, the girl reached the edge of the forest where a single, weeping willow caught her eye. The snow had carefully covered the bending branches and the tree looked like it was about to give up. 

“Willow tree?” The girl asked, “are you okay?”

“I’m quite okay,” it responded.

“But your branches, they look sad. Is the snow too heavy for them?”

“Not at all,” it responded. “My branches may not look strong, but you can’t always judge strength by appearance. The strength doesn’t come from the outside, it comes from the inside.” 

“Have you ever had a branch break?” asked the girl.

“I have,” said the tree. But I didn’t let that stop me from growing a new branch.” 

And finally, the girl smiled and looked up at the sky.

“Moon,” said the girl. “I learned a lot on this journey.”

“Would you like to share with me?” Asked the moon. 

The girl nodded and said, “The pond taught me to believe in myself. Help sometimes comes from the outside, but if you trust in your own ability to problem solve, help comes from the inside too.” 

The moon smiled.

“And the birds taught me that when my thoughts get too loud, to focus on the sound of my own voice so I don’t lose myself completely in all the noise.” 

The moon continued to smile. 

“And the willow tree taught me about resilience. Sometimes we might bend, but that doesn’t mean we will always break. And if it happens, we know to focus on what has been gained from the experience, not on what has been lost from it.” 

“But, I’m confused,” said the girl. “You told me that bad thoughts can be transformative. What exactly do you mean?” 

“I mean exactly what you just told me,” said the moon. “If instead of focusing so much on keeping the bad thoughts out, let them come in. Let the barrier break, like the ice on the pond. You have the power to transform the bad thoughts by simply pushing them away when they are not helpful to you and by focusing on your own voice, like the birds.” 

“And by letting them in, I’m not weak?” Asked the girl. 

“By letting them in, and pushing them away, and focusing on your own voice,  you are strong. And remember, when it feels as though you are failing or like a branch is about to break, and even if it does, you are still strong.” 

And so the girl understood that sometimes the feelings and the thoughts would get louder and perhaps never disappear completely, but she had the strength and the courage and the ability to look ahead. Always ahead. And she was grateful for the journey that she had taken and the journey she would continue to take. 

The end.